The problem of motivation and positive self thought.

I’ve been involved in roller derby for four years now. I’m not mins passed. I’ve not played any games. I’ve had a handful of scrimmages.

I start to ask myself why do I bother? Perhaps this isn’t for me. If I haven’t managed it in four years that might be a sign that I’m never meant to make it. Why do I keep coming back to this thing every weekend for four years when I’m still not allowed to play the game I’ve been training that long to play?

Then I realise why the hell wouldn’t I?

I don’t know what I’d do without this thing. I love it. I look forward to it every week. I’m surrounded by awesome people because of it. Why wouldn’t I keep at it?

I’m not bad at derby. The only thing holding me back is laps. I hate laps with a passion. My friend says “it’s almost like a right of passage” but I feel like it’s a skill that’s not entirely relevant in the game as it is now. I can strategise, I can block, I can even jam. I can play four jams on. I can play every jam on. The only thing holding me back is, now, one single lap.

It doesn’t matter whether or not I think that’s rubbish, the important thing is that I love this sport and I am good at it. It’s just hard to remember that when you watch so many people pass through before you. 

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